I have always advised Sara and Justin to listen to their heart when faced with difficult decisions. Your heart has to be your compass. Sometimes the head does not notice what needs to change, but the heart can give you the direction you need to go, as well as provide the power to change. In my case, the direction I need to go is to stop being a prisoner to disappointment, resentment and anger, which has not been healthy for me. Justin sent me a card about nine months ago in which he stated he hoped I could live more "freely" For me the heart of the matter... is a matter of the heart, and it is forgiveness. My heart has the power to forgive, which will allow me to live more freely...free of this situation and the feeling produced by it. At this point my motivation to forgive may be self preservation. Resentment and anger have kept me bound to a depressed condition, living in an emotional vacuum, with no way to get free. I have been refusing to forgive by holding on to all of the negative feelings, combined with a sense of betrayal. It has all served to make me miserable. Anger is a sign that something needs to change. Anger and depression can become habitual, and be terribly unhealthy. For the first time in my life I feel that I have more stress than I can handle. Holding on to resentment with an unforgiving attitude creates stress and keeps you from being aligned with your true self. It can block you from experiencing the joys of life. It can impact your health and your quality of life.
I am letting go of the anger, disappointment and disgust, and trusting in God to take it over. Forgiveness will release me from this situation so I can learn from it, and allow me to process my feelings more effectively. I will give this situation no more of my time. This forgiveness means that I have no expectations of the other person. It does not matter if she deserves forgiveness, or if she understands...life feeds back truth in it's own way and time... I wish her happiness.
So now emotionally I can begin to get free of this. It has been a long hard road.
A matter of the heart...forgiveness.
Thanks to family and friends who have been there through all of this. Your patience, encouragement and understanding have helped tremendously.
To a much better 2009.
To a much more positive blog in 2009.
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3 comments:
I am so happy to read this tonight before bed. Isn't forgiveness so hard? It's definitely a choice that has to be made...not something that comes easily. It's grace, pure and simple. It's what we named our daughter after.
I have forgiven her, too, though I still frequently find myself feeling betrayed and discarded. But, as you mentioned...forgiveness means expecting nothing from the other person.
This year might have been hard on our family but it has also revealed our truth--that we are strong, loyal to one another, honest with one another, and now...that we have room in our hearts for grace.
Here's to a better 09 for you, Dad. Nothing like another new grandbaby to lift you spirits.
All my love to you!
Welcome back Ted.
Stephanie
Dad,
your the best man! read this again tonight. i still appreciate your honestly. your heart is stronger than ever! and you have full life to live. not just lots of 'time'. but FULL life -- hope we can do it together! talk to ya soon.
keep sailin
j
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